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Being a Friend to An Introvert Is Such A Strain. This Is Why

Do you have that one friend who is an introvert? Maybe that friend is your girlfriend or boyfriend. You both have certain expectations for how the relationship should go, but those expectations don’t always line up, right? This is a point where many friendships and love relationships break. Although you both want it to function well, there is some additional strain required to work things out.

Let’ try to see the whole picture here – these are some basic rules to be followed if you want to keep that introvert by your side.

 Talk to me one-on-one

Damir Khabirov/Shutterstock

Introverts ‘do not exist’ in large groups. They are probably somewhere in the background being quiet, so no one notices them. On the other hand, when you are together alone, an introvert thrives because when you’re talking to just one person, it drastically reduces the stimulation level. What does this actually mean? Well, introverts don’t like crowds because they don’t have a chance to be noticed. On the other hand,  while in intimate conversation they are more than noticeable. Got it now?

Without any doubt, in the one-on-one situations, it’s easier to talk about more meaningful topics. That is the main reason introverts love intimacy. In a group talk, there is a lot of chatting about some current events, jokes, and similar things unimportant to the introvert’s mind.

Introverts are the type of people who want to share ideas and talk authentically about things that matter. They are not into simple chatting about the weather or spreading rumors. That’s a big no-no for introverts.

 Don’t share with other people the things you share with him

What an introvert can’t stand is feeling that he is just another warm body in your extrovert entourage. You may wonder what we are bubbling about here. Well, there is a pretty much simple explanation to this. Introverts don’t let just anybody into their inner circle. They also treasure the close relationships they have. They share their valuable emotions only with some specific people (or even with only one person), and they don’t want their information to be judged by people other than the two of you.

You should ask your introvert if he wants other people present. That is the least thing you can do to show that you are a caring individual.

 A single moment of real connection is better than hours of chitchat

Sincerity is highly valued by the introverts. They want to hear about your real thoughts and feelings, so don’t just tell them that you are good. Elaborate what is so good about your current mood. They want to know what is really going on inside of you because when an introvert cares about someone, he also wants a real emotional bonding, real human contact.

 Give them some encouragement

Generally, introverts tend to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves, especially around people they don’t know well. For example, if your introvert partner/friend is troubled by something, he probably wants to talk to someone about it. Since he is worried about the opinions of the people around him, he won’t bring it up at first. Thus, if you notice that your introverted partner/friend looks particularly distracted, there is probably something weighing on his mind.

If you sincerely ask them about it and they say they don’t want to talk about it, just leave it there. Introverts will open up when they are ready, and that is for sure.

 If they are silent, it doesn’t mean they are not thinking


Maybe you didn’t know that the introvert’s inner world is vivid and alive and that they are often daydreaming. If you two were talking and your introvert friend stops talking for no obvious reason, it doesn’t mean that he is not listening. Rather, he/she is thinking through all the possible outcomes, evaluating what you have just said.

The introverts are generally good listeners, but they also like talking. It is just they don’t open their mouth if there is not a good reason for it.

 They are not spontaneous

The introverts need time to prepare for everything, even for hanging out. The sentence: ”I am coming to pick you up in 10 minutes!” is so wrong and it will probably have a refusal as a result. They generally need time to mentally prepare for socializing, even if it’s with a close friend.  Some of them like planning the whole week in advance while others need a day or two in advance.

Also, don’t ever show up at their house without previous asking.  For introverts, their home is a sacred space where they ‘recharge.’ As such, they need to mentally prepare to see people, any people. This is something no extrovert will ever be able to understand.

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